Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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