Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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