One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
