Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
