dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
