they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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