I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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