it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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