Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
