i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
