i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got inside last night via doggy door
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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