i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
