bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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