She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
