he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
