White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
