im drinking this country out of the recession.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I understand Curling. That high.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
