I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
