Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I will pee on everything he values.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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