Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
