Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
