btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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