sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
