Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
