Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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