Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
