So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
