i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
