Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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