as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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