Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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