his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
