Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
