I'm drive I can fine osifer
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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