His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
