I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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