I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
