I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
