my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
