Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
