see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
