he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Come on in and take your pants off
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