I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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