If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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