it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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