How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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