He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
