Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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