Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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