im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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