He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
