So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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