I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
