I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
