she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
