I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
