i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hippo gnu deer
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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