The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
