My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
