found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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